BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE 2

ESTELLE AND NONSO    

Hajara and Umita were my only “real” friends.  I met them when we moved from Rayfield in Jos to Army Engineers (forget the name; it is really just a housing estate). We grew up together and were kind of close. They were never really bothered about the gossip and mystery surrounding me and my mum, maybe because Umita's mum was also a single mum and Hajara's dad, the area drunk. We were something of a "crew" in the area. They were very curious about me but accepted me as a very private person. I appreciated their friendship as I was used to more wary friendship from other females at a tender age.

I so understand how Adam and Eve felt as they suddenly realised they were naked, my eureka moment?  I was fast asleep one night when I felt hands all over my body. I am normally immediately alert when I wake up but I was strangely lethargic and remained so as the oddest scenario played out. My mother's lover seemed intent on stimulating me. See, despite my extraordinary looks, I was very innocent about the opposite sex. He looked focused and determined as he stroked, rubbed and pinched. I was bewildered. I recognised that it was another transition. I was afraid of the coming stage in my pain filled young life. I was on fire. Sensations crackled in nerve endings I didn’t know I had. I wanted to fight him off but something strange was going on with me. I remembered mother making me a cup of cocoa last night. I thought it was strange considering my strict diet. My moaning seemed to have been his undoing. He started to breathe heavily as his erection stuck out. He didn’t look focused any more. He looked ravenous, like he wanted to eat me. He was breathing heavily and watching me with glazed eyes as I stared up at him, my waist still moving from the over flow of sensations. He pressed his thumb down, applying pressure on my clitoris. I bucked, then I heard her voice and realised that mother had been there all along. She ordered Dangana repeatedly to stop but he seemed like he was going to disregard her as his hands ran over my breast.

"Enough, enough, enough". 

She screamed and dragged him off me. The look on her face as they walked out of my room was my moment. Eureka, I am not so defenceless. I have grown used to that look on the faces of the majority women that I meet.  That night, I touched myself, mimicking what Dangana did to me. I was fourteen, heady with primal sexual need and power. The next day I met the weeping vice president. Even though he hurt me and I was scared silly all through, he met me a willing horny virgin. Even as the feelings ebbed to an anti climax, I finally began to understand the power of who and what I am.

I remained uncomplaining as my life as a sex object played out. I was enjoying being the beautiful one and learnt to twist mother the way I wanted. I was the one whose body men paid to possess. When I turned nineteen I met a boy, Nonso. Nonso was a final year student while I was in my second year. Umita had introduced us to her handsome toaster and I fell for him right there and then. He called me later on in the day to tell that it was me he wanted. I was used to male appreciation but sex for me was an exclusive product which I peddled as a means to an end. I had no time for boys but Nonso was different. He had a small apartment close to school and within a week, I’d moved in with him. Even though sex is something I am good at I had no personal need of it, until Nonso. Not one of my "friends" had ever taken the time to give me pleasure or quench the fire that Dangana started in me. Nonso did and more. We spent our nights in the throes of passion and our days doing same except when we had stuff to do. With Nonso, sex wasn’t just me giving pleasure; with Nonso it was about me getting pleasured. I was over the moon. Mother's reaction was unexpected. She neither looked for me, nor called me again after I ignored her calls a few times. She only sent me a bbm "when you find out what men are really like, you know your way home". Umita reacted badly, very badly. Hajara took sides with her. I couldn't care less, I was in love and so was Nonso.

For eight weeks and four days, I lived with Nonso and hardly a day went by that he didn't give me delirium inducing pleasure. One day he got back from lectures late with an unreadable expression on his face. He asked me if I knew a certain ambassador who was a "friend". Apparently Umita had somehow gotten to him and had given him a version of my life's story that was only close to the truth because she got that I was a plaything for the high and mighty. Senseless from my infatuation, I decided to come clean about my life.

In my unguarded moments, Nonso’s expression still haunts me. Disgust, he was disgusted with me. That night was different; that night, I was with a stranger whose only use for me was for sexual release.

A week later, I was back home. Mother smiled. Dr Williams examined me, performed an abortion and that was that. Except that I became sure that I do not like men.

TO BE CONTINUED....